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The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” entered the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your choice to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {